


Gone Are The Days

by NixBlaque



Series: Unbreakable [1]
Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-08
Updated: 2013-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-22 20:01:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/917464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NixBlaque/pseuds/NixBlaque
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen didn’t know what he was expecting when the Ackles announced that he was going to be getting another foster brother, but it certainly wasn’t Jared – the ex-best friend whose heart he broke two and a half years ago. It soon becomes apparent that Jared has changed more than Jensen ever could have predicted, but the seventeen-year-old is determined to win his best friend back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gone Are The Days

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this has certainly been a labour of love. Honestly, at times I never thought I'd get it done, but I was lucky enough to be surrounded by a wonderful group of friends that pushed me over every hurdle that I reached. I had three wonderful betas, dualityforce, zamx and Bethan, who not only cleaned up after my mistakes but also helped me bounce around ideas and supplied coffee at various stages. A huge thank you to amysticka for all of her hard work is also necessary, because this fic would look nowhere near as cool if it weren't for her and her wonderful art.
> 
> This was a fantastic experience and, even though I'm not a 100% pleased with the fic itself, I'm sure that I'll be able to do a better job next year, and at least now I've lost my J2fic virginity! Thanks for sticking with me, guys!

 

 

 

 

****

**\-------------  
PART ONE  
\-------------**

The Ackles family broke the news calmly, as with everything in their household, over dinner.

The knowledge that they were taking in a new foster kid (apparently their last, although Jensen couldn't be sure that any foster kid was ever going to be the last to live with the Ackles family) didn't really surprise Jensen.

When he'd first arrived in the household two years ago, the Ackles had already adopted two older boys - Jeff and Josh - and two younger girls, Megan and Mackenzie. Both Jeff and Josh had left for university a year after Jensen had moved in with them, and Jensen had been waiting for a 'new kid' announcement ever since then.

All five of the Ackles kids knew better than to think that it was a replacement thing, although a few of Jensen's friends at school had hinted at it. With Donna and Alan, it was simply putting everything they had into helping as many kids as they could. As long as they had the space for more, they'd keep bringing more kids into their family and offering them a second chance. 

"You'll like him," Donna informed the room, a large grin decorating her pretty face, blue eyes shining with excitement. "The CPS worker I spoke to said that he was quite the hit with the girls in the group home that he's in now. And he's only a few months younger than you, Jen, so hopefully the two of you will get along quite well... You might even have a few things in common."

Jensen wondered briefly if they might be talking about the fact that he was a foster kid, and immediately dismissed the idea. It seemed that for all of their best efforts, Alan and Donna hadn't managed to eradicate the part of Jensen that feared that his foster-kid status defined him.

"It sounds awesome," Kenzie announced happily. "I'm so excited to meet him!"

"We can show him around town and introduce him to everyone. Take him to Sam's Diner!" Megan continued, grinning as wide as the Cheshire cat from the DVD of Alice in Wonderland that she'd made him watch the year before. Alan and Donna grinned at their collective enthusiasm, adding their own ideas to Megan's list, and Jensen felt himself relaxing back into his seat with a small grin.

It was times like this, sitting around the table and laughing and joking, that it hit Jensen all over again that these people were his family. That, four months ago, both himself and his new parents had signed the forms to make him a legal family member. That, after fifteen years of bouncing from one crappy foster home to the next, this was really it for him. He would never again be forced to pack up his meager belonings into a ratty backpack from three homes back, never again be placed with a broken little family that saw him as nothing but an easy paycheck. 

In all of the excitement, none of them remembered to ask the new foster kid's name.

***

By the end of the week, Josh's stuff had been shifted into Jeff's room alongside the other boy's things, and Donna had prepared the same things for the new kid as she had for all of her other foster kids upon their arrival to the Ackles house.

The walls of the large room had been repainted a neutral blue colour (since Josh had painted them an alarming shade of green at the first given opportunity, possibly just because he could); a chest of drawers and a wardrobe had been bought and Donna had even bought a new desk, and a laptop to sit on it.

It was, without a doubt, far better than most foster homes would have afforded Jensen, or any other kid that he knew, and the young man found himself glad once more that his life had led him to the Ackles family. They were perhaps the first, and only, honest and loving family that he'd ever been placed with, and he knew firsthand that there was few foster kids that got as lucky as he had.

Saturday rolled around quickly, and the excitement in the air was almost tangible. Donna was amusingly nervous, constantly in movement - tidying and re-tidying, stacking the magazines in the lounge first alphabetically and then by the colour of the spine; creating a rainbow that hurt Jensen's head to look at just as much as his eyes.

By the time that the doorbell rang, she'd made three batches of cookies and one of muffins, and had a batch of brownies cooking happily in the oven.

"Oh, god, that's them! Uh, kids - can you go upstairs for a little while? The social worker says that he's a little shy and nervous, so I don't want to crowd him as soon as he steps through the door." Donna explained, even as she was herding them towards the stairs. "I'll come and get you in a few moments."

Reluctantly, the three of them headed upstairs, and Jensen couldn't quite bring himself to head past the girl's rooms and up the second flight of stairs - to the area that he would soon be sharing with the new kid - purely on the basis that it was too far away from the first floor.

Instead, he followed them into Megan's room, and found himself leaning over the two younger girls to press his ear childishly against the wooden door in a vain attempt to better understand the voices drifting up from the main floor.

It was a waste of effort.

He couldn't hear anything any clearer than when he'd been stood in the middle of the room, although he did achieve a spectacular mental image of Donna snatching the door open and sending the three of them crashing to the floor in a tangle of guilty limbs... which was entirely ridiculous. Mainly because the door opened inwards.

The thought was enough to make him snort aloud, and - as if reading his thoughts, or simply annoyed at him for making noise - the girls rolled their eyes at him simultaneously, before turning back to the door, desperate not to miss anything.

Giving up, Jensen grabbed Megan's stress ball off her desk and lay backwards on her bed to bounce it off the headboard, enjoying the stress relief in the monotonous actions. He was just falling into a rhythm when - in a move that Jensen could only identify as a 'conjoined leap' - the girls bounded away from the door and towards the bookcase.

There was no way that either of the two girls were ever going to be considered stealthy.

Their frantic scrabble to look like they were doing something resulted in Megan grabbing a book on Aquarium fish (which Jensen dimly recognised as Alan's, and not anything that Meg would ever willingly read) and Kenzie seemed completely oblivious to the fact that the Judy Bloom book she was pretending to read from was upside down.

It was one of the most suspicious things that Jensen had ever seen, and if it wasn't for the fact that only seconds later a gentle tap announced Donna's presence and her head poked around the door, he would have commented on it in a heartbeat.

"Megs? Do you know where the others- oh, you're all in here!" Donna gave them a suspicious look, her eyes assessing them even as she stepped into the room - holding the door open behind her for Alan and the new kid.

Jensen chose that moment to sit up and throw the stress ball into the slightly open desk drawer - not wanting the kid to think that he was being rude - before spinning back, just in time to see an all-too familiar form step inside of the room.

For a long moment, both of them froze.

Bizarrely, Jensen's first (and admittedly irrational) thought was, 'he's lost weight again.' He wasn't quite sure what to make of that, however, and so dismissed it for the second - which was a mental wince at the sight of the large, fresh-looking bruise on Jared's face. Still black in the center, an inch-long red gash that looked to have come from a ring in the middle, and gradually fading to a mottled yellow and green at the edges. It wasn't pretty.

Jensen had been in enough fistfights - and crappy foster homes - to know that a bruise like that came from someone landing a punch directly on your cheekbone, and his own throbbed in sympathy.

"Uh, Jen?" Donna asked gently, breaking the more-than awkward silence and alerting simultaneously alerting Jensen to the fact that all of the remaining occupants of the room were staring at himself and Jared intensely. "Do you two know each other?"

Another, slightly longer, pause met her question as Jensen once again locked eyes with the boy who had been his best friend for eleven years, and then Jared turned his head - tore his eyes away from Jen, and answered Donna calmly. Jensen couldn't bring himself to turn away, couldn't bring himself to even turn and answer his adoptive mother. It seemed that all he could do was stare at the boy in front of him and wonder if, perhaps, it was all some bizzare dream that he'd wake up from at any second.

"Yeah, we know each other." He said evenly, and Jensen blinked in surprise at the flat tone. In the years that they'd been friends, Jared had been very much comparable with a young puppy - his voice enthusiastic, even when Jensen knew that (most of the time) he spent his days wishing that he could simply curl up into a ball and never get back up again. His new voice was certainly a shock, and so emotionless that it caused a sharp sting in Jensen's heart.

"How well?" Alan asked carefully, his eyebrow rising impressively at the third silence in a matter of moments.

Part of Jensen expected the truth - for Jared to tell his family that they were best friends for eleven years, before Jensen threw away their friendship on a half-formed idea that he'd regretted ever since. The rest expected the attack that he figured he'd deserve - for Jared to bitch and scream, tell his family each and every one of his flaws in impressive detail (something which he was entirely capable of).

Jared did neither.

Instead, he dropped his eyes to the floor, and shrugged one shoulder.

"Not very well."

The words themselves felt like an accusation, a dig at Jensen for everything he'd done, and he felt an irrational sting of hurt, but Jared's face didn't show anger or betrayal - instead a dim acceptance that left a sickly taste in Jensen's mouth, carefully hidden behind an otherwise blank expression.

"Jensen?" Alan prompted carefully, offering Jensen a chance to explain the boys' strange reaction to seeing each other again.

He could have told them the truth - should have told them the truth. Told them about nine years of pranks and laughter, ending in an explosion of angry, empty words and a best friend who'd just stood there and taken them.

Instead, he just nodded.

***

Dinner that night was an awkward affair, but Jensen had expected nothing less.

For the most part, the others did their best to pretend that there was nothing wrong or unusual happening. The girls chattered amicably about school and boys, changing topics so fast that it left Jensen's head reeling, and Donna informed them that Josh and Jeff were coming home for the holidays in order to meet the 'new addition to the family'.

Jared said nothing, and although he'd cut his food into manageable pieces, he had accomplished nothing more than shuffling it around his plate. Not a single piece had made it into his mouth. It was the first real indication Jensen had received about his old friend's feelings in the five hours since he'd arrived, and some part of him, however selfish, was glad that he could still recognise the signs.

Jared had always had what therapists had called 'anorexic tendencies' when he was stressed or upset. Doctors and therapists alike had tried to cure him of it - even going as far as to prescribe eating plans and medications, spending hours talking to him in session after session.

Nothing they'd tried had ever broken him of the habit - perhaps it was simply because they'd treated his anorexic tendencies as the problem, rather than a symptom.

Jensen suddenly longed for the days when all he had to do was gently nudge Jared with his elbow and give him a pointed look, and Jared would grimace, and then reluctantly finish at least half of his meal. Part of him was tempted to do it regardless of their situation - if only because Jared's skinniness was far beyond healthy - and his elbow twitched a little.

He stopped it just in time, and if Jared noticed, he didn't show it.

It was probably a good thing - Jensen wasn't sure how Jared would react to his touch after everything that had happened between them.

He guessed that it wouldn't be good.

"Jared?" Donna asked innocently, her voice as gentle as if she were talking to a spooked horse. "Is there something wrong with your food? I can make you something else, if you want-"

Jensen frowned a little as Jared shifted uncomfortably in his seat, never once raising his eyes from the table, but shifting so his hands were resting on his lap beneath it. Jensen knew without looking that he'd be using the heel of one hand to rub absently at the skin atop of the other until it was raw, perhaps even until it bled; another nervous habit that he'd never been broken out of.

They'd been through this before; vicious cycles where Jared would get better, only to have something knock him right back to the way that he was before.

Jensen knew that Jay's not eating only got worse when someone noticed it, the attention making him feel pressured and only increasing his stress, and the part of him that still saw Jared as his best friend wanted to intervene - to steer the conversation about potentially prickly or uncomfortable topics.

The rest of him just felt sick.

"No, thanks, ma'am," Jay responded quietly, his shoulders hunching a little further. "I'm just not hungry. I'm sorry."

"It's quite alright," Alan interjected, his voice just the right side of paternal. "If you're tired, why don't you call it an early night? It must have been a tiring day for you, young man."

Jensen did a second internal wince. Alan was doing the best that he could, trying to offer Jared a way out of a situation that he clearly wasn't comfortable with. Jensen knew without thought that Jared wasn't going to see the warmth in the action. Just the dismissal.

"Yeah," He muttered predictably, voice even quieter than before.  He stood silently, hesitating for a moment and muttering, "Thanks," before turning and leaving the room without another word - letting Jensen catch a glimpse of the top of his hand as he left.

It was red, the skin irritated and sore-looking.

And then Jared was gone, and the table was silent.

Somehow, none of them could find the words.

***

Donna pulled Jensen to one side after he'd done the dishes, scrubbing them without thought whilst keeping an eye on the girls out of the window. His eyes tracked them with careful concentration as they emptied the trash cans and raked the leaves from the patio. It was stupid, watching them like he did - they didn't need his protection, not here - but Jensen had lived his whole life with a strong desire to protect those that he loved, in a world where they needed all of the protection that they could get, and it wasn't going to stop now, just because they were safe.

Donna was frowning, but her hand was gentle on his back, and for a long, awful moment, Jensen expected her to demand that he tell her everything.

Instead she just smiled at him sadly.

"I need to know if this is going to be a problem. For you, and for him," She told him earnestly, and the tears in her eyes made his heart thump uncomfortably in his chest. "Jared… well, he's been through a lot in the time that you've been with us... and before that, I've been led to believe. His social worker doesn't hold much hope that he'll… well, he'll survive another placement. If this isn't going to work out, then I want to know now. There might be no turning back later."

It should have sounded like an ultimatum, but her tone of voice was gentle, letting him know that this was his decision. If he told her, then and there, that he wanted Jared out of his house, the younger man would be gone in the morning.

Jensen couldn't stomach the thought.

"It'll work," Jensen replied confidently. "We've got some issues to work through, but it'll work. I promise."

Dimly, he hoped that he was right, because he wasn't sure that he could let Jared for a second time.

Despite the fact that, for the most part, the last two years with the Ackles had been good for him, Jensen had never really been able to imagine a life without Jared in it. For the last two years, he'd imagined scenario after scenario where the two of them were reunited, but he knew without a doubt that if Jared left the Ackles household, there would be no going back. It would be for good.

It wasn't until he was in his room, doing his best to finish up his biology homework that her words really caught up to him.

"His social worker doesn't hold much hope that he'll survive another placement."

What did that mean? God, their lives had never been easy, but they'd always said that giving up wasn't an option. There was always other options - running away together, finding the perfect foster home, applying for emancipation.

Anything.

What had happened to him that made the social workers think that he was a suicide risk?

For a long second, Jensen couldn't breathe, and then he stumbled over to his bed and buried his head in his pillow, crying for the first time in years, because whatever had happened?

It was his fault.

 

**\-------------  
PART TWO  
\-------------**

The first time that Jared and Jensen had met, Jared had been a small, skinny six-year-old with a snotty nose and defiant eyes, resiliently facing off against five - much bigger, meaner-looking - boys from the group home that they were all sharing at the time. Jensen hadn't seen the younger boy around before, or at least hadn't taken notice, and afterwards they'd never thought to wonder how they'd never crossed paths before.

Two of the bullies were already sporting black eyes, and one of them looked to have a broken nose, and Jensen had felt admiration swirl in his gut at the sight, even though it was clear that there was no way that Jared was coming out of the fight on top. Not alone.

It didn't seem to matter - the kid was determined to go down swinging, and that was a kind of courage that Jensen wasn't sure he understood.

The guys were dirty fighters, three of them leaping for Jared at once. The kid quickly reciprocated with what could only be described as a battle cry, and then there was a blur of arms and legs and for a long moment, Jensen truly believed that this little kid was going to take them all down.

And then the other two were joining him, and the fight started going downhill. Badly.

Jared took a hit to the ribs, shortly followed by another, and lost his balance - toppling to the floor in what appeared to Jensen as slow motion.

Jen didn't register that he was moving until he had already launched himself onto the biggest bully's back with a war cry of his own, and even as the two of them toppled to the floor and Jensen's arm was pulling back to deliver a nasty punch to the nose, Jay was stumbling back to his feet - sending a small smile Jensen's way as he did so.

They won that fight, and every one after it.

***

Before Jared's arrival, Jensen had grown used to being the first of his family to wake. Years of getting out of the house as early as he could had served for producing a well-functioning body clock, and whereas Megan and Mackenzie had to drag themselves from bed, Jensen awoke in an instant.

Jared's first Sunday in the Ackles residence was no different, and Jensen was downstairs and ready to finish his chores from the night before at eight AM sharp - only to discover that Jared had beaten him to it. The dishes that Jensen had left to dry on the side the night before had been neatly put back in their places, and the three dishtowels that had been dotted around the kitchen had been placed back on the rail.

The photographs on the fridge had been straightened and the counters wiped down. A neat stack of bowls and pile of spoons sat next to the cereal box and the loaf of bread was ready and waiting by the toaster.

They were subtle differences, but in a house as laid-back as theirs, they were big enough for Jensen to take notice, and he recognised the need for cleanliness and helpfulness instantly. Whilst some of it was down to Jared's own personal need to keep things tidy, a lot of it stemmed from the belief that if a foster parent thought that you were useful around the house, alongside being a direct-access card to a monthly check? Well, they were more likely to let you stick around.

As stupid as it was, Jensen felt relief surge through his veins - hot and heavy, because it was proof that Jared wanted to stay.

Of course, the fact that Jared was nowhere to be seen probably proved that - whilst he wanted to be here in theory - he probably didn't want all that much to do with Jensen, which was completely reasonable considering their history. It still didn't mean that Jensen had to like it, and he was determined to do everything he could to make Jared open up to him again.

"Morning, Jen," Donna smiled, shuffling into the kitchen in her pyjamas and slippers, headed straight for the coffee machine.

"Morning, momma Ackles," Jensen answered, grinning when she turned around and spotted Jared's tidying - her eyes widening comically.

"You, uh, cleaned?" She asked, and then frowned. "You haven't cleaned voluntarily in over a year. Is something wrong? Do you, uh, need to… tell me something?"

"No!" Jensen snapped, surprised. "Why would you even…? Never mind. Jared did it."

"Jared?" Donna blinked. "Why would he...? Is this like when you cleaned all the time at first?"

"Probably a little bit," Jensen grinned, having not realised that his adoptive mother had picked up on the behaviour in his first year in their household. "But he's generally a tidy person, too. Even a little OCD sometimes; we used to joke that he-"

Jensen cut himself off, shaking his head and refusing to be pulled into the memory. The less time spent dwelling in the past, the better. Across the room from him, Donna was visibly frowning.

"Jensen?" She prompted, and then after a few seconds, "I thought that you didn't know each other very well?"

Jensen shrugged. "Not as well as we thought we did, in the end."

Donna raised an eyebrow at the ambiguous comment, but Jensen was already moving, hands reaching for coffee mugs on instinct as he did his best to change the conversation topic as swiftly and neatly as possible.

"Did I tell you that I'm not working today?" He asked, unable to keep the tension from his voice underneath the forced cheeriness. "Jim called and said that he was going out of town for the day to visit a relative, so he's just gonna shut the shop for a few days and pick up when he gets back. He's not sure how long he's gonna be, but he said he'd give me a ring-"

"You already told me that, Jensen." Donna cut him off, voice patient but firm. "Now, you know that I don't want to push you on this, but I need to know the truth. Were you two friends?"

Jensen hesitated, hands shaking as he unsteadily poured coffee from the machine into the two mugs, and finally gathered his courage and nodded.

"Okay," Donna said softly. "How long for?"

There was no hesitation this time, and Jensen was amazed to find that he was almost relieved when his confession slipped free.

"Nine years."

His adoptive mother sucked in a sharp breath, obviously not having expected that response. Jensen ducked his head, placing the coffee maker back on the bench and blindly reaching for the container of sugar, adding two heaped spoonfuls to the cup on the left without looking at her once.

"We met in one of the group homes," He found himself admitting, her silence somehow only encouraging him to be more truthful. "Back when we were six. Convinced two of the other kids to swap so we could share a set of bunk beds, and well... we were pretty much inseparable after that. Until we were fifteen."

He finally forced himself to turn there, unable to steady his hands as he handed the woman her coffee. She took it gratefully, her eyes locking onto his the second that they could.

"And then what happened?"

Jensen's stomach dropped in a sensation that was almost painful, and if it weren't for Alan's sudden arrival in the kitchen doorway at that exact moment, he wasn't sure how he would have reacted. Whether he would have shamefully confessed to what he'd done, or whether he'd have taken the cowards way out and tried to lay the blame at Jared's feet.

Alan, for his part, froze almost comically in place - one hand still placed on his head, where he'd been scratching it mid-yawn.

"Everything okay here?" He asked cautiously, and Jensen couldn't bring himself to react, glanced over at Donna to see her reaction. She smiled.

"Everything's fine." She smiled. "Jensen's making coffee."

The seventeen-year-old knew, logically, that this wasn't the end of it. That they'd have to talk about it, at some point, and that there was know way that Donna wasn't going to tell her husband about the conversation that the two of them had just had as soon as he was out of hearing range.

He was still grateful.

He forced himself to smile, grabbing another mug. "Grab a seat. I'll bring one over to you."

***

After their incredibly awkward breakfast, Jensen happily retreated to his bedroom, intending on grabbing a shower and then finding some excuse to get out of the house. Maybe take some books back to the library, or fabricate some project that he had to go and work on with Chris and Steve.

What he didn't factor into that equation was the fact that the third floor, where his bedroom was, also contained Jared's room, and the single bathroom that the two of them were going to have to share. Jensen's luck going the way it was, Jared emerged from the bathroom in the same moment that Jensen stepped off the top stair and onto the landing, and the both of them froze.

Jared was fully dressed in jeans and a shirt, his too-long hair dripping onto his shirt, making the material stick to the sharp outline of his collarbones. The bruise on his cheek seemed just as dark and angry as the day before, though Jensen was pleased to note that it was starting to fade to a yellow-green at the edges, indicating that it had at least started to heal.

He had a towel screwed up into a ball in his hands, and the longer that the silence stretched, the whiter his knuckles grew, his grip on the soft material intensifying second by second.

"How have you been?" Jensen found himself blurting out, and mentally kicked himself immediately afterwards. In all honesty, he probably couldn't have picked a worse question to ask - the kid had just been shipped to yet another foster home, with a pretty hefty bruise on his face, and the social worker's words from the night before were ringing through his head on repeat.

Jared barked out a bitter laugh, the noise so surprising that Jensen barely stopped himself from physically flinching away from it.

"I've been just peachy," He responded sarcastically, and Jensen knew better than to mistake the bite to his voice for venom. Despite what he was trying to convey, the kid was hurting more than a little. "How about you? You been enjoying life with a nice, normal family?"

Jensen sighed, shifting uncomfortably. "Look, I know this is less than ideal, but-"

"No, I get it," Jared shook his head, rolling his eyes and looking almost disappointed. "The last thing you need right now is me turning up again. I understand, alright? Give me a few days and I'll be out of your hair for good."

And before Jensen had a chance to object, to protest that there was nothing he wanted less than Jared gone for good, the kid had disappeared into his room with the quiet 'snick' of the door swinging shut behind him.

Nothing had ever sounded more final.

***

Instead of escaping as he had planned, Jensen found himself spending the majority of the day holed up in his bedroom with his headphones in, generally trying to pretend that the world around him didn't exist.

Despite his best attempts, however, his brain was determined not to shut off and let him just chill out for a few moments. It was too busy trying to work out exactly what had happened to Jared in the last two years.

The last time Jensen had seen him, Jared had been fifteen and relatively happy.

He'd just began settling into life with a new foster family who were pretty awesome, and could offer him the kind of life that both of them had always longed for, and Jared had begun growing understandably distant from the best friend who reminded him of a world that he'd much rather forget. Still, it was Jensen who had walked away in the end - trying to remove himself from the equation and allow Jared a chance at enjoying his life with his new family guilt-free.

Evidently, that plan hadn't worked out so well.

Jensen had genuinely believed that the Grenwich family would be good for Jared. The couple everything that the two of them had always dreamed of having - everything that Jensen had found here with the Ackles, only a few days afterwards (though he hadn't known it at the time). A mother and a father, a cat and a dog and a little goldfish bowl with two little orange fish. A home-cooked meal every night and camping trips in the summer; the picture of perfection, and yet Jared had left them.

And he'd come here as a very different person to the one that Jensen remembered.

Where he'd been smiles and laughter, he was now bitter and broken. His eyes, dancing with a mischievous light that had only emphasised the unusual blend of colours, were now hard and flat; worst of all, there was a slump to his shoulders that had never quite been there before, like a dog curling up smaller in the hopes of a avoiding it's masters boot.

Somewhere along the way, something had gone horrifically wrong, and Jensen was determined to find out what.

By the time that he was called downstairs for dinner, Jensen had spent a hell of a lot longer lying on his bed doing nothing than he'd ever intended to; his chemistry homwork was sitting untouched on his desk, and he hadn't even started on the stack of worksheets that his biology teacher had provided with him. He figured that he'd end up rushing through them on his free period the next day.

"You've been very quiet," Donna commented with a grin as she placed his dinner in front of him. Across from him, Jared was sitting slumped, head ducked to avoid eye contact; he hadn't said a word since they'd all gathered around, though he had raised his head to offer Donna a grateful smile when she'd place his meal down in front of him.

"Had my headphones in," Jensen grinned. "Was pretty much in my own world for a while there."

Donna smiled softly, running a hand through his hair and dropping a kiss on the top of his head before she dropped into her own seat. On the other side of the table, Jared visibly stiffened, still not quite lifting his head. His grip on his fork was white-knuckled, and he only made a few aborted attempts to actually lift the food to his mouth.

If anyone else noticed, they didn't show it, eagerly tucking into their own food and chatting away to each other in the same animated fashion as always. Jensen figured that they'd probably realised that their approach to Jared's not-eating the night before had been unsuccessful - they'd always been quick on the uptake with the little things, and when Jared shifted uncomfortably and glanced over at Donna, perhaps waiting to be reprimanded, he was met with a warm smile.

He took a deep breath, obviously forcing himself to relax as he slowly let it out, and finally placed the smallest piece of chicken possible in his mouth. As sneakily as possible, Donna twisted her head to wink and Jensen, and the teenager grinned.

"So," Alan said gently a few moments later, after Jared had eaten a second piece of chicken, and a third. "Do you have any hobbies, Jared?"

Jared lifted his head and hesitated, and then reluctantly nodded. "I run sometimes. And I sketch."

"Don't think we've ever had an artist in this house before," Donna laughed. "Josh and Jeff went through two rolls of masking tape when they did Jeff's room, and they still spattered green paint on the ceiling."

Despite himself, Jared grinned.

"And when we tried to paint ours we dropped the pink paint on the carpet." Mack recalled. "We had to stay in Josh's room for like, a week whilst the new carpet was fitted."

Jared's shoulders eased down a fraction of an inch, and when the steady stream of conversation ebbed, he tucked into his meal with more enthusiasm than Jensen had ever seen from him.

 

 

****\-------------  
PART THREE  
\-------------** **

****

Over the next few days, Jared and Jensen fell into an uncomfortable routine.

Jensen showered on a morning, Jared on an evening, and aside from family meals eaten around the kitchen table, they had very little to do with one another.

It was a far cry from the relationship that they'd once shared, where being friends had been as easy as breathing. Jensen could remember evenings spent under the fading rays of the Texas sun, rough and tumble in the dusty plains, sneaking out of foster homes with a bottle of Jack and 'borrowing' their foster parents cars for a day out at the lakes. He could remember laughter and joking and Jared smiling, easy and wide, eyes sparkling with mischief and joy.

Their relationship now had become stilted and awkward. Despite Jensen's initial determination to make amends with the boy who'd once been his best friend, he'd quickly discovered that he had no idea what to start. He was almost relieved that Jared would be unable to start school with them until after the holidays - allowing Jensen a few hours of respite, at least.

For the first time that he could remember, he found himself genuinely dreading his nightly return to the Ackles household, and it felt like a betrayal to both Jared - who had never asked for any of this - and to Donna, whom he'd promised faithfully that thinks would be okay. That he and Jared could fix what had gone wrong between them and go back to being friends.

He was beginning to wonder whether that would ever be a possibility for the two of them.

Even when he'd turned his back and walked away from the younger boy, he'd done it on the assumption that - one day - they'd be friends again, because it had seemed inevitable at the time. They'd had arguments before, few and far between though they were, and they'd always found their way back to each other. It wasn't until months later, two foster homes and four hundred miles between them, that Jensen had stopped to consider that he might have been wrong.

By then it had been too little, too late, and he'd resolved himself to move on. He was ashamed to admit that, after he'd moved in with the Ackles, Jared had fallen further and further from his thoughts - never gone, but distant enough that Jensen like to pretend he'd forgotten, that he didn't care anymore. And then the kid had shown up on their front door step, and two years of pretending that he didn't care anymore were made redundant in a heartbeat.

Jared was undoubtedly a different person than he had been the last time that they'd seen each other, and so was Jensen, and the young man simply couldn't find a way to bridge the gap that had grown between them.

His attempts at starting conversations were shot down almost immediately by one-word answers or a brief nod or headshake; invitations to the cinema, the swimming pool, the lakes and to grab pizza had all been shot down.

In the end, it was Donna that forced them together, a knowing twinkle in her eye when she handed Jensen a grocery list and politely asked if Jared wouldn't mind tagging along to help. For a moment, Jensen was sure that the kid was going to try and come up with some excuse as to why he couldn't go. In the end, the same old foster kid 'help as much as I can' mentality worked in Jensen's favour, and after a reluctant glance at the older boy, Jared nodded his head.

Jensen didn't pressure him to talk on the way there, turning up the volume on the radio a little in an attempt to ease the somewhat awkward silence lingering between them. For his part, Jared seemed content to say nothing, facing resolutely out of the passenger side window and never so much as flickering his eyes in Jensen's direction.

Jensen wondered if it was anger or stubbornness driving the kid to ensure that his tight mask never slipped, or if it was a hot wash of betrayal in the pit of his stomach.

He eased the truck into a parking space, and saw Jared's entire body stiffen when he made no move to climb out of the vehicle, letting his hands clench and unclench around the steering wheel as he tried to gather the courage to talk.

"Don't."

Jensen flinched, glancing at the teenager sat next to him. Jared was still staring out of the passenger side window, but his hands were white-knuckled on the door handle, and he was trembling slightly.

"I-" Jensen started, but the kid cut him off again, wrenching his door open and dropping out onto the smooth asphalt of the parking lot. He hesitated there, in the gap between the open truck door and his seat, and met Jensen's eyes for only a second. The cold winter air surged into the car, making Jensen grateful for his thick jacket, but Jared didn't seem fazed.

"I'm here because Donna asked me to help," He said firmly. "Not because I want to have a deep and meaningful conversation in the supermarket parking lot."

Jensen scowled, letting a familiar surge of frustration swell up, manifest itself in the harsh sigh that pushed free of his lips. Jared had always been one of the most frustrating people in his life - even when he was open and constantly laughing, he'd been more closed off than most people had a right to be.

Back then, Jensen hadn't let it slide so much as once. He didn't intend to start now.

Rolling his eyes, he tugged the keys free of the truck's ignition, dropping down onto the asphalt and swinging his truck door shut. Jared was already on the move -  a few steps ahead of the older boy; close enough that Jensen could point him in the right direction, and yet far enough away to ward off conversation.

Sighing, Jensen snagged a shopping cart and followed him inside the air-conditioned building, tugging the grocery list free of his jeans pocket. Logically, the fastest way to accomplish their task would probably be some kind of labour of division - perhaps tearing the list in half and heading off in their own directions. Jensen didn't even consider it.

Instead, he aimed the cart towards the far aisle and - when screaming children and harassed looking parents forced Jared to reluctantly close the gap between them in fear of them getting separated, forced himself to relax.

"I figured we'd just do it aisle by aisle, if that's okay." Jensen told Jared amicably, watching the way that the younger man's clenched and released at his sides. He didn't know whether it was general nervousness at being around so many people, which had never been one of Jared's favourite pastimes, or irritation at Jensen himself.

He didn't much care to find out.

"You're not gonna let us just get through this and go home without this being a big deal, are you?" Jared sighed, hand deftly grabbing the side of the cart and nudging it out of the path of a small child that Jensen hadn't even noticed. The kid's mom shot Jared a grateful look, glowering slightly at Jensen as she passed, as if Jensen had made a conscious decision to mow the small child down.

Jensen forced himself to grin. "Nope, not gonna happen. Can you grab two cartons of milk?"

He paused to grab a few variety packs of youghurt, tossing them into the cart at the same time as Jared returned with the milk.

"Okay," Jensen started evenly, pausing to toss some butter into the cart. "So I kind of wanted to say that I was sorry for being a ridiculously huge asshole."

Jared's face registered a flicker of surprise. "Wait, what?"

Something told Jensen that the two of them hadn't exactly been on the same page when Jared had realised that they were going to have a heartfelt, meaningful discussion.

"Apologise," Jensen repeated. "That night in the park, I had no right to talk to you the way that I did. I honestly don't even know what I was thinking, you know? I think part of me really was trying to protect you, but part of me was just jealous-"

Jared cut him off, shaking his head. "It's seriously not that big a deal."

"Yeah," Jensen frowned. "It is. Some of the things I said-"

"Jensen, we've both been in and out of crappy foster homes for most of our lives. I've had much worse things said to me before." He reasoned, as if that made it all okay - as if the fact that he'd been shouted at and sworn at for most of his life somehow made it less important that Jensen had done the very same thing.

"Not from me."

Jared shrugged. "It was bound to come out eventually, right?"

Jensen felt more than a little sick, hands shaking where they were gripping the handle of the cart, because this was not the reaction that he'd been expecting. He'd have been so much happier with the way that this whole thing was headed if the kid had been angry.

"Jared," He said quietly, grabbing the kid's sleeve when he made to dart across the aisle and grab a packet of sugar. The younger boy jerked to a stop, looking more than a little surprised, but he didn't move to twist his wrist out of Jensen's grip like most other people in his situation would have. "You know that what I said was complete crap, right? I didn't mean it."

Jared rolled his eyes, but he looked tense now. Uncomfortable.

"Seriously," He said, tersely. "It's not a big deal, Jensen. I deserved it, okay? I know that. Just do us both a favour and drop it. Okay?"

He did pull free then, dropped the sugar in the bottom of the cart a second later, and Jensen pushed it forwards almost on autopilot, unable to believe what he'd just heard.

One thing was for sure - whatever Jared had in his head about it being okay, he was a hundred percent wrong, and suddenly Jensen needed him to understand that.

When he opened his mouth to speak, Jared cut him off, snagging the list out of his hands and tearing it in half.

"Here," he said, pressing the top half into Jensen's hands and trying to hand the way that his own were shaking. "I'll take this half, it'll be quicker. I'll meet by by the registers when I'm done."

He didn't wait for Jensen to say anything, just spun out of the aisle and didn't look back, leaving Jensen alone with a shopping cart and a hell of a lot of memories that he'd rather forget.

***

 

Donna caught up with him after dinner, offering him a small smile as she sank onto the end of the young man's bed.

"So," She said evenly. "Did the two of you talk?"

Jensen ducked his head and shrugged, fingering along the edges of a dog-eared copy of Bram Stoker's Dracula. On the inside of the front cover, Jared's name was written in a familiar cursive. The kid had given it to him to read a few weeks before the fight, and it had never made it back into his possession - remembering the way that Jared used to fawn over it, carry it around in his backpack like some kind of good luck charm, Jensen felt more than a little guilty about that.

"Kind of," He offered quietly. "Didn't really get anywhere, though."

Donna shifted a little, resting a hand on her adoptive son's knee, and when she spoke she was as sincere as he'd ever heard her. "I'm sorry, Jensen. I hoped that with some time away from the rest of us, you two might be able to reconcile whatever differences you have. I never meant to make you this upset."

"No," The seventeen-year-old shook his head. "This isn't your fault. It was a good idea - even worked, to some extent, it's just that..."

He trailed off, unsure how to continue, and shrugged his shoulders helplessly.

Donna squeezed his knee gently, and there was a brief hesitation before she spoke again.

"Can I ask you something?" She said carefully, and Jensen's heart skipped painfully in his chest.

"You want to know why we're not friends anymore." He replied, glancing up through his lashes at the woman who had taken him in when nobody else would; who had done everything she could to make him realise that he wasn't just some throw-away kid, but that he had somewhere he belonged. It wasn't a question, but she nodded nonetheless.

"I'm worried," She admitted. "Jensen, did he hurt you? You know that you can tell me."

Jensen sucked in a sharp breath, surprised. "What? No! Jared would never hurt me."

She heaved an obvious sigh of relief, and Jensen felt a little sick, because here she was thinking he was the victim, and he was really anything but.

"So what happened?"

"It was me," Jensen forced out, catching her look of surprise. "I was the one who hurt him."

"Why?"

Jensen shrugged, fiddling awkwardly with the book. He wondered, absently, if he should give it back now. "I don't really know. I tried to believe that I was doing it to protect him, y'know? He had a new foster family, and he loved it with them, and he was getting more and more distant... Mostly, I think I was just jealous. Scared that he might forget about me."

Donna nodded evenly, no judgement on her face. "So what did you do?"

"We were supposed to meet at the park," He admitted quietly, for the first time since it had happened, and bit his lip against the strong sting of tears. "I can't remember why - we used to do it all of the time. Sneak out of foster homes and meet up, used to joke that nothing could keep us apart. He got there, and he looked worried, and I guess I panicked."

He paused, not sure if he could continue. Donna's soft stare gave him the confidence he needed to force the words out.

"God," He choked out, sucking in a deep breath. "The things I said to him... We knew each other so well, and everything he'd ever confessed to me - everything that I knew made him uncomfortable or upset, I threw it right back into his face. Told him that he was a waste of space, that I didn't need him any more, didn't want anything to with him. Screamed it right in his face, because I knew that it would hurt him, and he just let me do it - never even tried to defend himself."

Donna turned her head away, tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Jensen blurted, suddenly filled with an age-old fear that once she knew the things he'd done she might change her mind, kick him out into the dirt after all. "I wish I could take it back, I do."

She looked up at him, offered him a soft smile, and tugged him in for a hug.

"I'm not mad at you," She whispered, and Jensen knew it was the truth, let himself sink more fully into the embrace. "I just wish you'd told me sooner."

He nodded against her collarbone, and a bitter laugh slipped free with the first of his tears.

"Me, too." He confessed miserably, sniffing loudly in a vain attempt to keep some of his dignity. "What am I supposed to do? He thinks that I mean it all - said that it would all have come out sooner or later. How can he even think that?"

Donna smiled gently, sadly, and Jensen could feel the curve of her lips against the top of his head.

"Because there was nobody there to tell him otherwise, baby," She said softly. "All he had to go on was what you said... wrong as it may have been. I hate to say it, but there's no easy fix for that. Maybe I was a little naïve sending the two of you off like I did... this is gonna take a lot more than a trip to the supermarket to fix."

Jensen snorted again.

"On the plus side," Donna added softly. "I'm pretty sure that this something that can be fixed."

***

Jared didn't come down for dinner that evening.

After Jensen had finally managed to pull himself back together, cheeks stained red with embarrassment at crying like a baby, Donna had dropped a kiss on the top of his head and slipped out of his bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

The hallway was narrow enough that he could faintly here when she knocked on the younger man's door, and the creak of the hinges was enough to let him know that she'd gone into his room. He resolved himself to do some of his Biology work, figuring she'd be in there for a while, and was more than a little surprised to hear her making her way down the hallway only moments later.

In retrospect, it probably made sense that he'd want to be alone. After their train-wreck of a conversation earlier, Jensen wasn't exactly looking forward to having to converse with the rest of his family, either, and Jared had always preferred his own company when he was feeling upset or angry.

Still, Jensen couldn't help but feel more than a little surprised when he realised that Donna hadn't put out a plate for Jared. Across from him, Megan seemed to have reached the same conclusion.

"Mom?" She asked, sounding genuinely confused. "Is Jared not feeling well or something?"

Donna smiled evenly, settling into her own seat. "No, baby - I'll take some dinner up for him later. He's got a headache, so he's taking a nap."

Jensen stomach sunk, his appetite evaporating almost completely with the realisation that he'd probably made things ten times worse for everyone - the night before, Jared had been grinning along with their antics. Today, he wouldn't even come to the dinner table.

"Jensen?" Mack asked, leaning over the table to rest a hand on her arm. "Are you feeling ill, too? Maybe its some kind of bug."

For a brief moment, Jensen considered nodding his head and going along with it. His ideas of freedom were short lived, and he shook his head.

"No," He replied firmly, forcing a smile. "I'm fine, Mack. Honest."

 

 

****\-------------  
PART FOUR  
\-------------** **

****

Mackenzie cornered him in his bedroom the next day, hands on her hips and looking as serious as he'd ever seen her. Her bright pink shirt with 'ROFL' written across the front kind of lessened the effect a little, but Jensen did his best not to grin.

"Can I help you?" He teased, letting his algebra textbook slam shut with a scary-sounding thud. The young girl nodded her head dramatically, the silver bangles on her wrist jangling with the force of the action.

"Yeah," She said, firmly. "You can."

Jensen's eyebrow raised and he swung his desk chair around to face her more fully.

"What the hell is going on between you and Jared?" She blurted, and Jensen sent a brief thank to the heavens that she'd had the sense to shut the door behind her, and then she continued. "Because I am not buying this crap about you two not knowing each other very well.

Seriously, do you think that we're stupid? Because we're not. Why even lie? Who cares if you used to be friends or whatever. It's not like mom was gonna kick him out or something."

Jensen winced a little at the genuine hurt laced in her tone, and he sighed, letting his shoulders drop as his inclined his head towards his bed - indicating for the girl to take a seat.

"You're right," He agreed. "I should never have lied, but things between Jay and I are... well, complicated."

She raised an eyebrow, but dropped obediently onto his bed. "Complicated how?"

"Like, he's the best friend that I had a huge fight with and then didn't see for two and a half years. That's how complicated." He replied as evenly as he could, doing his best to keep her from sticking her nose in where neither of them needed it. "It's just... better if you guys don't get involved at the moment, okay? We need to work through it on our own, otherwise this will never work."

"Okay," She said slowly, shifting her weight a little, looking less pissed off and more unsure of herself. "But can you work through it pretty quickly? Because being around you two right now is not fun. I get that it's probably not great for either of you two, either, but your awkward silences are starting to rub off on everyone else."

Jensen groaned, rubbing at his temples in irritation.

"Damn it," He sighed. "I know, I'm sorry. I didn't even think about that."

She shrugged, hesitating awkwardly on the edge of the bed.

"For the record?" She asked softly. "Whatever happened between the two of you, Jared still really cares about you. I don't think he's as angry as he's making himself out to be."

Jensen's eyebrow shot up in surprise.

"What do you mean?" He frowned. "Did he say something to you."

Mackenzie shook her head, glancing at the wooden door as if she was worried that Jared might overhear her. "No. I heard him talking to someone on the phone... I don't know what they were talking about, and I know that I shouldn't have eavesdropped, but he said that he was glad when he realised that you'd finally gotten a good home."

The young man frowned thoughtfully, grabbing his adoptive sister's wrist as she rose from the bed and headed to the door, finally giving voice to the question that had been plaguing him since the younger man's arrival. "Did he say anything about the family he was living with? Why he went back into the group home?"

Mackenzie shrugged, looking apologetic. "If he did, I didn't hear anything."

***

In all of the excitement, Jensen had forgotten that Josh and Jeff were due home.

Friday passed in a brief blur of classes. Jensen sat with his usual group of friends at lunch, faked a grin and a laugh when they started fooling around, and did his best to pretend that nothing was wrong. Internally, he couldn't help but keep turning over the events of the past few days - the incident with Jared in the supermarket, Mack's words from the night before, and Donna's reassurance that this was something that could be fixed.

He tried to focus on the road, keeping an eye out for black ice, because the last thing that they needed was a car accident, and by the time that he was pulling his truck into the driveway - the girls giggling between themselves in the back - all he wanted was to crawl into bed and sleep for a few years. Which, of course, was when he spotted Jeff's Astra parked to the side of the garage.

Clearly spotting it at the same time, Megan released a high-pitched squeal that had Jensen wincing.

"Yes!" She cheered, and Jensen rolled his eyes as he caught sight of her fist pumping in the rear-view mirror. "They're home!"

She fumbled with the door handle, and by the time that she was jumping out onto the drive and heading for the front door, Mack had already disappeared inside. Groaning to himself, Jensen allowed himself a brief moment to slump forwards and smack his head off the steering wheel a few times.

It wasn't that he disliked his adoptive brothers - in fact, the two of them were pretty awesome - but they were also more than a little rambunctious, and Jensen really didn't have the energy to deal with pretty much anything today, never mind prank wars and nerf gun battles that nobody walked away from without bruises.

Taking a deep breath, Jensen grabbed his backpack from the passenger seat, and reluctantly made his way from the calm tranquillity of his truck cab and into the house. The front door was still swinging open in the slight Texan breeze, the sounds of laughter and squealing drifting out onto the street. Jensen couldn't stop the small grin that broke free at the sound, dropping his backpack on the hallway floor next to Megan and Mackenzie's, and kicking his shoes off as neatly as he could without using his hands, barely thinking to shove the front door shut with his foot as he headed to the lounge.

As he'd expected, Megan was tossed casually over Jeff's shoulder, making a strange noise that was - Jensen assumed - was a mixture of a squeal and hysterical laughter. Mackenzie was darting from one end of the couch to the other, slipping slightly in her sock-clad feet, with Josh laughingly tried to capture her.

"Come here!" He yelled, amusement thick in his voice. "You know it'll only be worse when I catch you!"

Alan was sat on the sofa, casually flicking through a newspaper, and Jensen could hear the distant sounds of china clinking together in the kitchen. On the far side of the room, Jared was curled up in an armchair, knees tucked into his chest and sleeves pulled down over his hands, eyes locked on Jensen's siblings with a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Jeff looked up when Jensen stepped into the room, and grinned wide, tossing Mack onto the sofa, where she bounced a few times before settling there with a dramatic eye roll.

"Jenny!" Jeff cheered, dragging Jensen into a hug. A second later, a second body slammed into his back, and he resigned himself to having the life squeezed out of him for what felt like far too long. Finally they released him, Josh giving him a friendly punch in the arm in greeting, and Jensen rolled his eyes affectionately.

"I'd say it's been far too long," he groused. "But I've been enjoying the quiet."

Jeff laughed, slapping Jensen's back. "You always have been a spoil sport, kiddo."

"The way I recall it," Alan interrupted evenly, grinning over at his adopted sons. "Jensen's saved both of you from a fair bit of trouble by being a spoil sport. Jensen, girls, your mother said to tell you that dinner's early tonight. Apparently your brothers are hungry."

Jensen rolled his eyes, not at all surprised, and crossed the room to settle onto the sofa. Mack leapt over him, sinking into the seat between him and Megan happily.

"Hey!" Jeff defended. "We're growing boys!"

Alan rolled his eyes.

"I hate to break it to you, Jeff," he said without lifting his eyes from his paper. "But if you grow any more than you already have, we'll have to remodel the house so you don't smack your head off the ceiling."

Jensen snickered quietly at his big brother's mock-offended look, his eyes unconsciously flickering over to Jared.

The younger boy's position made him look smaller than he was, head tucked down on his knees, but he seemed amused by Jeff and Josh's actions. His hazel eyes were tracking the two older boys evenly, leaving him apparently unaware of Jensen studying him, and Jensen smiled a little to himself. If Josh and Jeff could get Jared to relax this quickly, maybe them being here wasn't going to be so bad, after all.

Jensen had been raised in an environment where curling into a ball typically meant that you were trying to make yourself a smaller target. Jared had always been the exception to that rule of thumb - even as a kid he'd curled up when he was happy, a ball of loose limbs and an easy smile, chestnut hair flopping into his eyes.

Now, he looked almost as relaxed as Jensen could remember him being back when they were seven year olds crammed onto the small sofa in their group home, everyone else long since in bed and it was just the two of them, TV muted and the flickering lights highlighting the easy curl of Jared's lips. His wide grin, because sneaking out of their rooms in the middle of the night was the only time when they got to watch what they wanted - regardless of whether they had to watch it with the subtitles on.

"Dinner!" Donna shouted, and Jensen jerked, startled out of his silent study by the sudden noise. There was a sudden rush of movement towards the kitchen, and Jensen rose to his feet, grinning slightly as Mackenzie and Megan started bickering between themselves, shoving and jostling to get into the kitchen first.

"One day," Alan muttered with a wry shake of his head. "We'll have a nice, quiet house that's not full of kids."

His eyes betrayed the lie for what it was, glittering with humour.

"Liar," Jensen accused, chuckling a little despite himself. Alan shrugged a little, gently nudging Jensen towards his seat.

Jared seemed relaxed enough, despite having to sit next to Jensen a little closer than normal thanks to the two extra people sat around the table. In fact, there were only a few seconds of hesitation between him sitting down, and him taking a small bite of chicken without so much as pushing it around his plate once.

Conversation drifted easily, Jared joining in the few times he was prompted, a lot less reluctantly than he had been at their previous meals. Finally, as always, it landed back on the prank wars that had become the bane of Jensen's life over the past two and a bit years.

"No," Jeff laughed. "The best one was when Meg cut her finger that time, and you told her that lime juice would take the sting away! I've never heard a screech like it!"

Josh tipped his head back with laughter, nodding his head enthusiastically.

"Or when you hid all of those alarm clocks from the dollar store in Meg and Mack's room and set them to go off every half hour." He returned eagerly, ignoring the huff from the young girl. "Every time they thought they'd found them all, another one would go off."

"That wasn't funny!" Megan defended loudly. "I got detention for falling asleep in class the next day. My teacher was so mad at me!"

Jensen rolled his eyes. "You didn't even have to go to detention. Donna bailed you out, remember? Rang the school and came up with some story."

Megan shrugged, pouting a little. "It sucked. Everyone saw."

"You totally made up for it," Josh reminded her evenly. "How do you not remember? You left me and Jeff in that cupboard for, like, two hours. I was going crazy."

The sharp clang of metal hitting china had Jensen flinching instinctively, turning wide-eyed to look at Jared. The younger boy was sitting ram-rod straight, face suddenly ashen.

"Jared?" Donna asked, panic clear in her voice. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

The teenager let out a shuddering breath, shaking his head and standing abruptly, nearly toppling his chair over. He was visibly trembling.

"I-" He stopped and cleared his throat before continuing. "Feel a bit sick. Think I might lie down for a while."

He didn't say anything else, just turned and left, leaving the rest of them staring after his back, completely puzzled. Jensen's hand was white-knuckled on the back of his chair, wishing he knew what was wrong - or, better yet, how to fix it.

"Dude," Josh breathed, looking a little embarrassed. "Do you think it was something I said?"

Donna frowned, shaking her head a little.

"It doesn't seem likely," She offered, and Jensen could see how worried she was by the tight set of her mouth. "You didn't really say anything wrong."

As if on some unspoken cue, both she and Mack turned to look at Jensen. The teenager threw up his hands in the universal sign of surrender.

"Don't look at me!" He said emphatically. "I'm just as clueless as the rest of you."

Donna sighed again, staring out of the kitchen door as if Jared might sense her stare and suddenly return, laughing the whole thing off as a joke. "I hope he's okay. Do you think I should check on him?"

She looked at Jensen again, and he hesitated for a second before shaking his head.

"Probably best you don't," he offered softly, sinking back into his own chair. "He kind of prefers to be left alone when he's upset or irritated."

Donna nodded regretfully, and Alan forced a bright smile on his face as he complimented her on her cooking, not-so-subtly indicating that they should all get on with eating their dinner. Jensen hesitated, glancing back down the hallway one last time, before reluctantly turning back to his own meal. With the stricken look on Jared's face still fresh in his mind, the food tasted like ash, sitting heavy in his stomach.

It seemed like everyone was having the same problem, picking at their food rather than eating it, and it was only a few more minutes before Donna sighed, tossing her own fork onto her plate.

"Enough of this," she said decisively. "How about we go out for ice cream instead?"

Jensen was relieved to find that everyone else looked just as confused as he did, though gradually they started nodding.

"Okay." She nodded. "I'll ask Jared if he wants to come, and then we'll head out, okay?"

Jensen hesitated, and then regretfully shook his head. "I think I'm just gonna stay home. Don't think I'd eat any even if I came."

Donna paused, eyes locked intently on him, and for a second he thought she might make him go with them, and then she nodded. "Okay."

"I'll have to stay, too," Alan piped up. "Being a doctor on call is not easy when your cell phone is broken. I told them they'd have to call me at home."

Donna nodded again, shepherding the other four out of the room and in search of their shoes. She disappeared upstairs, presumably to try and convince Jared to tag along (Jensen couldn't help but wonder if she'd tell him 'but Jensen isn't coming' to try and help change his mind).

Predictably, she returned alone, dropping a kiss on Jensen's head and offering him a small, sad smile as she herded everyone out of the door.

Almost as soon as the door swung shut behind them, the house fell silent. Alan was watching him carefully, both of them still seated on the dining room table.

"You going to try talking to him again?" He asked slowly. Jensen wasn't surprised that Donna had told him about his and Jared's somewhat disastrous conversation in the supermarket car park... and, if he wasn't mistaken, everything else, too.

"Not sure if it'd make things better or worse." Jensen admitted, slumping back into his seat. Alan tipped his head in acknowledgement.

"Isn't it worth a try?" He asked quietly, his tone carefully judgement-free. "He looked incredibly upset to me. Do you really want to leave him by himself when he's like that?"

Something in the way that he said it had Jensen's spine straightening, and he shook his head firmly. "No. No, I really don't."

He was out of his seat before his brain really registered that he was moving, leaving Alan smiling after him as he headed up the stairs to the third floor. His hands were trembling at his sides, nervous anticipation of how Jared was going to react to him trying to start another conversation, but Alan was right. The kid had looked more than a little upset at the dinner table, and there was no way that Jensen could just leave him like that.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked carefully on the younger man's door. There was no response, and he paused with his hand on the door handle for a few moments before he carefully pushed it open.

His eyes flickered over the familiar room, taking in the complete lack of personal possessions anywhere with an uncomfortable pang in his heart. This had been Jensen once - a room bare of anything save for what a foster carer deigned to put out for them; usually nothing more than a bed and a chest of drawers, a wardrobe if they were lucky.

In the two or so years he'd been with the Ackles family, Jensen's room had slowly started to fill with the little things that he'd never had before - pointless nick nacks, three baseball trophies from his brief stint on the team the year before. Books that were his, rather than from the library, framed photos and posters on the walls.

On the other side of the room, Jared was curled into a small ball on the window seat, forehead resting against the cold pane of glass. He twisted his head a little when Jensen stepped into the room, not seeming at all surprised when he saw who it was, and turned his gaze back to the green expanse of the back garden.

"You don't need to check on me," he said quietly, voice rough. The red rings around his eyes seemed to suggest that he'd been crying, but he didn't seem annoyed or angry by Jensen letting himself into his bedroom. "I'm fine."

Jensen offered the younger man a small smile.

"I really don't think you are," he offered quietly, crossing the room and sinking onto the edge of the kid's pristinely-made bed. "I saw your face at the table, remember. Something was really wrong, dude. You wanna talk about it?"

Something dark and unreadable passed over Jared's face, and he once more twisted his head to face the guy who had once been the only person in the world he knew that he could trust.

"Why?" He demanded.

Jensen blinked, more than a little confused. "Why what?"

The kid uncurled himself, and Jensen could see the anger now, in the stiff way that he moved and the way that he leant forward. "Why do you care, Jensen? Why are you sitting there, right now?"

"Because you're my best friend." Jensen replied without pause. "You always have been, and now... I just want that back again. I just want to go back to the way that things were before."

Jared snorted bitterly.

"We can't go back to the place we were before," the younger man informed him, tone simple and emotionless. "It doesn't matter how hard we try - too much has happened since then. We've both changed... we're completely different people."

Jensen's heart sunk at having it all lain out like that, the very same concern that he'd been harbouring in the weeks since the younger man had arrived, the thought that they were just too different now, but he refused to let go without a fight. Jared rose to his feet, and Jensen didn't know where he was going, but he stopped him without thought.

"Are we really?" He demanded anxiously, reaching out to grab a hold of the younger man's wrist. Jared shook him off instinctively, and Jensen tried not to take it as a personal insult, staring desperately up at him. "Because the last time I checked, I was still Jensen and you were still Jared. We were best friends for nine years, Jay. How can you just let that go?"

Jared's face darkened with anger and hurt, and Jensen knew what was coming a split-second before the younger man's mouth opened and the words spilled out.

"Really?" Jared snapped, stepping further away, eyes blazing with something that Jensen couldn't determine. "You're going to lecture me about giving up on us? The way I remember it, it was me that was left standing in the rain, and it was me that had to watch you turn your back and walk away."

"I did that to _protect_ you!" Jensen yelled, frustration and anger warring in the pit of his stomach. He rose to his feet in a smooth movement, and Jared flinched back. "To give you a chance to be a normal kid, with a normal family who loved you!"

Jared scoffed, facing crumpling in a way that Jensen didn't understand, eyes filling with tears so quickly that Jensen's stomach lurched painfully, self-righteous anger refusing to give way to comfort and console the kid, to make better whatever it was that was upsetting him.

"Yeah," The teenager muttered bitterly, shaking his head and swiping angrily at his face when a single tear slipped free, turning so he was half-facing away from Jensen again. "Because they were such great people."

Jensen faltered for the first time since the argument had begun, finding himself suddenly lost, feeling like he was missing something and not quite sure that he wanted to know what. Logically, he knew something must have gone wrong somewhere, because Jared was here rather than with the family that Jensen had been so sure were perfect for him, but he didn't know what... and he suddenly wasn't sure that he wanted to.

"I don't understand," He admitted softly, doing his best to keep the desperation from his voice. He tried to close the gap between them, backing off slightly when Jared jerked away. He moved back, close to the wall, giving Jared the option to sit if he wanted to. "You liked living with them."

Jared scoffed again. Jensen was really starting to hate that sound.

"I can't believe that you still don't get it! I never liked it there, I was just too scared to try and leave them!"

The air in Jensen's lungs rushed out so sharply that he was left with a sensation that he could only compare to drowning; for a horrible moment, he nearly accused Jared of lying, but even after two and half years, he knew the kid well enough to know the truth when he saw it. Words escaped him, eluded him completely no matter how hard he scrambled for something to say, and it was all he could do to stare at Jared in a quiet state of shock.

For his part, Jared didn't seem to notice. Another tear slipped free, tearing Jensen's heart just a little more, and he sunk down onto his bed, pressing his face into the heels of his hands.

"For the first few weeks they were so nice, you know? And I kept waiting for the punch line, and it didn't come, and then when I'd finally thought that everything was going to be okay... everything changed."

His voice was muffled by his hands, but Jensen could hear it when he sucked in a sharp breath, physically trembling. Jensen wanted to go to him, to wrap an arm around him and tell him that everything was going to be okay, but his feet were glued to the floor, and he refused to make a promise that he couldn't keep.

There was no promising Jared that things would be okay, because whatever had him feeling like this had already happened, and Jensen couldn't change the past.

The following silence was one of the most agonising of Jensen's life, and he waited in a sort of limbo, a horrified anticipation of what might follow.

"It was just little things at first. I was so happy to finally have a decent home that I let them slide, didn't pay too much attention when he lingered too long after a hug or put his hand on my knee. I think I knew what it might lead to, but I didn't even want to consider it... I thought I'd finally caught my lucky break, and I didn't want anything to fuck it up."

Jensen felt sick, and even as his brain tried to race ahead and put the pieces together, he clamped down on the traitorous whisper in the back of his head that told him how this story was going to end, refused to believe it until he had no other choice.

"God," Jared continued, voice filled with self-loathing and desperation. "I was so stupid. After all of the shit we've been through, I should have known better. When he came into my room, that first night, I didn't even realise anything was wrong until he wrapped his hand around my mouth and shoved me over, climbed in right next to me."

Jensen staggered backwards, his back meeting the wall with a dull thump, and he wanted to tell Jared to stop talking. To just shut up and never bring it up ever again, but the kid just kept talking.

"I tried to tell Krissy, the next morning, and she called me a liar. Slapped me around the face and said that if I ever said anything like that to anyone ever again, she'd kill me." He laughed, a tinge of hysteria to his voice. "God, Jensen, I really thought she meant it. So I didn't say anything, and the next time I didn't fight, and he just kept coming back for more, until I just couldn't take it anymore."

Somehow, that was the final puzzle piece for Jensen, and the breath he didn't know he'd taken whooshed out of him in a broken-sounding sob.

"That's why you wanted to meet," He breathed. "That night in the park."

And God, but it made a horrifying amount of sense.

That night when Jared had phoned him, there'd been something in his voice that had made Jensen on edge and nervous, but he'd just dismissed it as Jared planning on blowing him off for his new family. The kid had been distant for weeks, never quite seeming to be fully there when they hung out together, and how goddamn selfish was Jensen that it had taken him two years and a confession to realise that there was even something wrong?

Hell, Jared had turned up that night with red-rimmed eyes and a backpack slung over his shoulder, and Jensen had lain into him before the kid had even had a chance to explain anything. The things that the older boy had said to him had been completely unforgivable; he'd taken every insecurity that he knew that Jared had, and thrown it back in his face without any hesitation.

The worse part had been realising that Jared wasn't even going to defend himself. The fifteen-year-old had just stood there and taken it, tears mixing with the rain that was soaking his clothes to his skin and met Jensen's eyes with an unwavering loyalty that had been the final straw for Jensen.

He'd turned and walked away without another look back, spent the next two and a half years defending his actions to himself, playing them off as him trying to give Jared the life that he wanted, trying to protect him. Looking back now, he couldn't help but wonder that it hadn't been jealousy that Jared might have found himself the perfect family, whilst Jensen was still stuck in group homes and with crappy fosters who drunk themselves to sleep and forgot he existed. Anger that Jared was doing it without him - leaving him behind.

"It was stupid," Jared laughed again, bitterness and self-deprecation once more finding their way into his voice. "I'd saved my money from working in the book store, figured we'd buy ourselves two tickets to California and just book it. Find a crappy apartment and get away from the whole fucking system. Like it would have been that easy."

Jensen's breath whistled painfully in and out of his chest.

"Jared," he forced out. "What happened after?"

The young man lifted his head, met his eyes straight on and smiled. Jensen was taken aback by the deadness of his eyes, the wry curve of his lips.

"I went back," he replied, easy as breathing, as if he was commenting on the weather or telling Jensen what he'd eaten for lunch that day. "What other choice did I have? Not like I had anywhere else to go. So I crawled back to them, and Krissy locked me in a cupboard for three days in punishment, and then everything went back to the way it was before. I was there until three months ago, when David drank himself stupid and Krissy walked in on us. He tried to chase after her and fell down the stairs. Bashed his brains in on the banister and bled out on the hallway floor. Krissy didn't want me around after that. Can't say I really blame her."

Jensen thought he might actually throw up.

"Why didn't you tell someone?" He asked desperately.

Jared rolled his eyes, clouding his features once more. "And who would I have told, Jensen? You were the only person who might have believed me, and you made it pretty damn clear that I wasn't worth the time of day. He'd have lied, and who was a social worker gonna believe? Some kid who'd been bounced around and kicked out of more homes than he can count, or a foster parent without a record? They would have just shipped me someplace else, and he'd have started all over again with some other poor kid who didn't deserve it half as much."

Jensen made a wounded sound. "God, you didn't deserve that. Is that what you think? Nobody deserves that, what they did was-"

"Unforgivable."

Both boys jumped, Jared going from sitting to standing so quickly that he staggered slightly. Alan was stood in the doorway, hands white-knuckled on the door frame, his face serious and eyes frighteningly intense.

Jared seemed frozen, watching Alan with the kind of nervousness usually reserved by a puppy that's been kicked one too many times by its master.

"We need to report this, Jared," Alan said firmly, no room for argument in his tone. "You need to give us their names, and we'll make sure that they're punished."

He moved forwards then, hand outstretched towards Jensen - his father figure caught his eye, sent him a small half-smile that was just as forced as it was reassuring - and there was no ulterior motive in his actions, but Jensen registered his mistake a moment too late to stop it. Jared's eyes widened as the man began to move further into the room, his eyes locking on the outstretched hand, and he was bolting before Jensen had a chance to stop him.

Jensen bolted after him without a second's hesitation, almost surprised to find that his legs suddenly had the strength to hold him up, but Jared had always been faster when it counted. By the time that he hit the hallway of the bottom floor, Alan only a handful of steps behind him, the front door was open, swinging in the wind, and Jared was nowhere to be seen.

****

 

 

 

 

****\-------------  
PART FIVE  
\-------------** **

****

Jared had no idea where he was.

He'd taken off from the Ackles' house blindly, paying no attention to where he was going, just desperate to get away. Gradually the familiar streets with their far-spread houses had given way to the more densely packed suburbs, deserted thanks to the rain that even now beat down on him. His jacket was hanging forgotten on the same coat peg that he'd left it on, and he was glad that he'd at least had the sense to grab his sneakers when he bolted - unlaced though they were.

He was soaked through and miserable, clothes sticking to him uncomfortably, and painfully aware that the only money he had was the ten dollars in his wallet. He didn't dare look at his cell phone, had resolutely ignored the way that it was vibrating on and off against his hip as he ran.

In the end, it was exhaustion that slowed him to a walk.

He wished that he could run forever without ever stopping, but his lungs were burning and his thighs were aching and he knew that if he ran much farther he'd drive himself to his knees. It wasn't the first time he'd taken off from a foster home - he and Jensen had bolted multiple times when they were younger, only to be dragged back by a kind-faced police officer or angry social worker each and every time.

They'd never made it past more than a few hours, and as the last of the afternoon's rays gave way to darkness, Jared was forced to recognise that he didn't have a plan.

He had no money, a phone but nobody to call, and he knew from his past experiences that it would only be a matter of time before Donna or Alan reported him as missing and he had the cops on his ass. If he hadn't found somewhere discreet to hunker down by then, he'd be dragged back kicking and screaming, and he wasn't ready for that.

He'd never forget the look on Jensen's face when Jared had blurted out the truth. He looked as if the floor had gone out from underneath him, stumbling back against the wall as if he'd been physically hit. And god, but Alan had been furious. Looking back, he was pretty sure that the Ackles patriarch wasn't actually going to hit him, but at the time all he'd seen was the outstretched hand coming towards him, and that had been enough.

Hell, he was pretty sure that even if he could find his way back - or if he allowed himself to be picked up by a squad car - he'd been shipped off in a heartbeat. He just couldn't take that chance - he knew better than to think that he was strong enough to go through that again.

He was done with being passed around like a throw-away kid, only staying in one place as long as they wanted him for something... as long as they needed him.

The sharp squeal of brakes against asphalt had him glancing over his shoulder, and Jared shook his head as a Mercedes came into view, having to fight to right itself after taking the corner way too fast.

For one, entirely insane moment, Jared honestly considered stepping out in front of it.

It would be so easy. The car was going fifty, easy, and in this weather there'd be no way that the driver would be able to stop in time; and going that fast, Jared was pretty sure that the collision would very neatly end all of his problems.

His foot hovered over the edge of the sidewalk, just a split-second away from waving his proverbial white flag in the air and throwing himself into the middle of the road, and then his brain caught up with what he was doing and he sharply yanked it out.

He'd survived seventeen years of crappy foster homes and being treated worse than an animal. In nine months' time, he'd legally be considered an adult - he'd be able to get out, for good. Surely he could cope until then?

Sucking in a deep breath, Jared shook his head at the mistake he'd almost made, and turned his back on the car.

There was another screech of brakes, sudden and sharp, and the hairs on the back of Jared's neck stood straight. Dread registering in the pit of his stomach, he spun around just in time to see the driver fighting for control, the Mercedes' spinning madly in a search for friction, and the car heading straight for Jared.

And then there was darkness.

***

"Anything?" Alan asked, watching as Jensen once more rose to his feet and paced towards the window, staring out of it. The young man sighed, tossing his cell phone onto his sofa and shaking his head.

"Nothing. Mom says that they've been all over town and neither them nor the police have turned up anything," He reported despondently. "They're gonna head back here so we can regroup."

Alan nodded, and Jensen didn't miss the way that his grip tightened fractionally where he was gripping their home phone. As if on cue, the thing shrieked loudly - causing both men to jump slightly - and Alan wasted no time in answering it and raising it to his ear.

Jensen watched with baited breath, only to feel his shoulders slump in the same moment that his adopted father spoke.

"Look, Mike, I know I'm on call but Jared's missing and I really can't come in right now." The man explained tersely. "Can you call David instead?"

Jensen turned back to the window, curling in on himself even more as he caught sight of his mother's car pulling into the driveway, closely followed by Jeff's. Behind him, his adoptive father's man suddenly sharpened.

"What do you mean?"

Frowning Jensen glanced over, feeling his stomach drop almost instantly. Alan's face was so pale it was almost white, and his hands were shaking.

"Yeah, yes." He muttered, rising to his feet. "I - Mike, how bad? Okay. We'll be there as soon as we can."

He hung up then, but didn't move for a long second, eyes slowly lifting to meet Jensen's.

"Alan," Jensen begged. "Please-"

"It'll be okay," Alan reassured. "Mike says it was a hit and run, but they got to him pretty quickly. Jared's in the best hands right now, and we need to be strong, okay?"

Jensen distantly registered the sound of front door shutting with a quiet snick, but he didn't pay any attention to hit, breaths hitching in and out of his chest as he watched his adoptive father, silently begging him to tell him that Jared was going to be okay.

"Alan?" Donna sound as scared as Jensen felt. "Alan, what's going on?"

Slowly turning, Alan offered his wife a small, sad smile.

"Jared's at the hospital, Don. He was in a hit and run."

***

 

The waiting room seats were cold and uncomfortable and Jensen ached to move around - pace the length of room, or stalk over to the nurse's station and demand to know how Jared was doing. Whether or not he was okay.

Donna and Alan had tried to leave him behind with his siblings, but Jensen had point-blank refused, and it had only taken a slight pause before Donna had nodded her head and ushered him into the backseat of their car.

Alan had disappeared almost as soon as they'd arrived, heading past the emergency room doors even though Jensen knew that he wasn't supposed to be with Jared at the moment. It was some kind of policy not to let doctors get involved with the car of their loved ones, which Jensen could kind of understand, but Alan had simply pushed past Mike when the older man had tried to stop him.

That had been four, seemingly never-ending hours ago.

"How are you holding up, baby?" Donna asked quietly, dropping a hand onto his back as he leant forwards in his seat, dropping his head into his hands.

"I'm not the one in a hospital bed right now," Jensen snapped, his own words and tone registering seconds later, and he groaned. "I'm sorry. I just... everything's so fucked up. I need to know that he's going to be okay."

He glanced out of the corner of his eye at the woman he'd come to see as his mother, expecting her to chastise him for his language. Instead, she smiled sadly, soothing her hand over his back.

"I know," She acknowledged; a tired, sad smile teased at the edges of her lips. "Things aren't going so hot right now, huh?"

Jensen choked out a laugh, tears filling his eyes, and opened his mouth to respond. He was cut off my the unmistakable sounds of the ER doors swinging open, and glanced up to find Alan walking towards them. His normal clothes were gone, replaced by scrubs that were blood-stained in places, and his face was pale and tired.

Not for the first time that evening, Jensen thought he might throw up.

"Alan?" Donna asked carefully, both her and Jensen rising to their feet to meet her.

"He's in pretty rough shape," the man admitted, running a hand through his grey-flecked hair. "But he's stable for the moment."

"What does that mean?" Jensen demanded anxiously, because 'stable at the moment' was not the same thing as 'he's stable' or 'he's going to be okay' and he needed to know. "What's wrong with him?"

"Looks like the car that hit him was going pretty fast," Alan replied carefully. "But somehow Jared seems to have managed to twist to the side - if he hadn't, I honestly don't think he'd have made it this far. He's broken his arm, his leg, and it looks like he's got a pelvic fracture, too. He was pretty lucky where that was concerned - normally they cause internal bleeding, but we can't find any."

Jensen nodded, opening his mouth, but Alan shook his head with a sad smile and Jensen came to the horrifying realisation that he wasn't finished.

"He hit his head pretty hard when he landed," the man continued softly. "It looks like there's some swelling on his brain, but I've seen patients with far worse come out of the other end fine. Right now, we're mainly worried about internal bleeding. Looks like he might have torn his spleen up pretty good, maybe messed up one of his kidneys. They've got him in surgery now."

The room swam dizzyingly, and for a second Jensen thought that he might actually pass out, and then he was being pressed into a chair, his head forced down between his knees.

Gradually, the world came back into focus, and he became aware of Alan's voice.

"Hey, kiddo, you're alright," he was muttering reassuringly, still holding Jensen's head down between his knees. "You feeling better now?"

Jensen nodded, watching as a drop of water - a tear, he realised after a moment - fell to the floor with a splash. Slowly, Alan released the back of his neck, letting him sit upright. Jensen couldn't even bring himself to care that he was crying, not putting up a protest when Donna dragged him into her embrace.

"It'll be alright," she muttered to him, voice soft. "You'll see. He's come this far, and I don't think he'll be going anywhere without a fight. He's a strong kid, Jensen."

Jensen nodded into her sweater, forcing himself to take deep breaths and drag himself together. Breaking down now wasn't going to accomplish anything.

"When can we see him?" He forced himself to ask. Alan, still crouched in front of him, smiled.

"He'll be in surgery for a while," he replied evenly. "But I'm pretty sure I can get us in to see him straight away. There's very few people who'll argue with a doctor on the war path."

Jensen heaved a sigh of relief, nodding his head, and Alan patted his knee before settling him into the seat next to him. Jensen's eyes once again locked on the clock above the nurse's station, as if worried that the hands wouldn't move if he wasn't watching.

The three of them didn't move, and it felt like years later that Mike stepped through the doors and offered them a small smile.

"We've got him in a room now," he offered, clapping a hand on Alan's shoulder. "He came out of the surgery better than we expected, although we did have to remove the spleen completely. The tear was too big to risk trying to repair it."

Alan nodded. "And his kidney?"

"From what we can tell, it's just bruised." Mike offered with a grin. "Looks like the kid might have saved his own life by twisting the way that he did - you've sure as hell got a smart one there."

"We know," Alan grinned, and Jensen shifted impatiently. Rude as it was, he had no interest in his adopted father exchanging pleasantries with his friend - he just wanted to see Jared already. Glancing over, Alan seemed to sense Jensen's anxiety. "Can we see him?"

"Of course," Mike agreed, waiting for them to climb to their feet before leading them to the young man's room. "He looks a bit of a mess right now, and there's a fair few wires attached to the kid, but I'm pretty optimistic that he's gonna come out of this okay."

Jensen couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped him, and next to him, Donna was practically beaming. It felt like a huge turn around from what they'd been faced with just two and a bit hours ago - when neither of them had even known if Jared had survived the emergency treatment. Jensen hadn't ever voiced his doubts, scared that saying it out loud might make it so, but he'd been almost convinced that Alan would emerge with little more than a headshake.

Nothing had ever scared him as much as that thought had.

"Here we are," Mike said suddenly, pulling to a stop outside of a plain hospital door. "I'll give you a while to sit with him. The nurse's will be stopping by to do their rounds soon, but you're more than welcome to stay as long as you'd like. I'll leave a note at the office expressing my permission."

Alan nodded, but Jensen was already gently pushing past him, suddenly desperate to see Jared for himself - to prove that this wasn't all some cruel kind of trick.

It wasn't. Despite the bruises littering his body, Jensen recognised his best friend in the instant that he stepped through the door.

Mike hadn't been lying when he'd said that Jared was hooked up to a lot of machines; the wires seemed to be everywhere, making Jared look much smaller than Jensen knew him to be. There was an oxygen mask strapped over his face which didn't hide the dark bruising on the left side of the kid's body - a contrast to the sickly yellow bruise on his right cheek that was all but faded away.

His left arm was resting next to him on the bed, held straight by a plaster cast, and Jensen could see the raised ridge of another one on his leg through the thin sheet. He was resting perfectly still, his IV-stuck right hand resting just underneath the bulky bandages spread across his stomach.

"Jesus," Jensen breathed, sinking into a seat on the kid's good side and tentatively reaching for his hand. Jared's hand was limp within his own, but not cold and clammy like he'd feared, and he squeezed the warm fingers gently. "God, Jay. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault, son," Alan muttered quietly, resting a hand on the top of his son's head. "He wouldn't want you to blame yourself. Besides, you two can talk it out when he wakes up, okay?"

Jensen nodded firmly.

"Yeah," He agreed. "We will. It's about time that he figured out that I'm not going anywhere."

 

 

****\-------------  
PART SIX  
\-------------** **

"Jensen? Come on, buddy, you need to wake up."

Jensen groaned quietly, blinking his eyes open and coming face-to-face with his adoptive father. Alan grinned down at him, and it was a few moments before Jensen realised that he was still in the hospital - sprawled out on a bed fashioned from three soft-cushioned chairs and a few thin hospital blankets.

Donna had tried to convince him to leave when she had, an hour or so after they'd first been allowed in to see Jared, but Jensen had refused vehemently, and she hadn't had the energy to try and change her mind. Instead, she'd made him promise to try and get some sleep and headed home.

It seemed that, despite his protests that he wouldn't be able to sleep, the ill-fashioned bed had done its job. He felt a brief moment of panic at the realisation that anything could have happened whilst he'd been sleeping, but Alan was smiling down at him patiently, so he figured things were still okay.

"What's goin' on?" He mumbled tiredly, swinging his legs around to sit upright, yawning and cracking his back. "Is everything okay?"

"More than okay," Alan grinned. "Jared's starting to wake up."

"What?" Jensen asked dumbly, and then the words finally clicked and he was on his feet and rushing over to the bed, ignoring the forgotten hospital blanket that tangled around his ankles and made him wobble dangerously for a second. Chuckling to himself, Alan tugged it free, watching with a grin as Jensen leant over his friend.

As if on cue, the young man's brow furrowed and he twisted his head towards Jensen, eyes moving restlessly beneath the lids.

"Jay?" Jensen called softly. "You awake in there, kid?"

The younger man groaned softly, good hand twitching at his side as if reaching for something, and Jensen twined their fingers together without thought. The kid twisted his head a little more, and for a second Jensen thought he was going to drift back off, and then his eyelashes fluttered open.

It seemed to take a few moments for it to stick - his eyes opening briefly, only to drop closed seconds later - but finally they opened and stayed that way, squinting up at the older boy.

Jared muttered something under the oxygen mask, voice weak and raspy, and Jensen just about caught his own name in there somewhere.

"Yeah, Jay," he said patiently, feeling the hot sting of tears in his eyes. His hand came up to run through the kid's hair on the side that wasn't bruised. "I'm right here."

The kid seemed to relax, though Jensen didn't know whether that was because of the words or the gesture, and his eyes fluttered shut again. Jensen didn't try to stop them - hell, after what he'd been through, the kid deserved a few hours sleep - but couldn't stop himself from feeling relieved when they fluttered open again a few moments later, looking a little clearer.

"Don't worry if he's not making much sense," Alan commented from the other side of the bed, and Jensen jumped, having forgotten that the older man was even there. "Or if he keeps drifting in and out. He's on some pretty strong meds."

Jensen nodded absently, grinning down at the younger man and giving his fingers a gentle squeeze.

"How you doing down there, hey?" He asked, sniffling a little in an attempt to keep the tears - happy, this time - at bay. "You gave us all one hell of a scare, man."

Jared brow creased for a second in apparent confusion, and when it smoothed out he squeezed Jensen's fingers. The teenager didn't need to hear words to recognise[sp] the apology for what it was, and he shook his head with a smile.

"It wasn't your fault. Don't worry about it, okay? You just worry about getting better."

Against the pillow, Jared gave the slightest of nods, and when his eyes fell shut again they stayed that way.

Despite everything, a laugh broke free of Jensen's chest, and he let himself fall into the chair behind him. His bones felt like jelly, weak with relief, and he could feel the tightness in his stomach release for the first time since Jared's confessions the night before.

"He's gonna be okay." He breathed, truly believing it for the first time.

Across the bed, Alan smiled softly. "Yeah, Jen. He's gonna be just fine."

***

Jared slept on and off for the rest of the day, not really with it when he was awake, but Jensen was too relieved to mind. Instead, he kept up a reassuring litany of 'hey, you're okay' when the kid looked like he was in pain, and maintained a running commentary about what they were gonna do when they got home when he seemed vaguely more alert.

It wasn't until later that evening, when the doctors were finally finished prodding and poking and had taken the younger man's dosage down a little that Jared finally managed to keep his eyes open for longer than a few minutes.

The head of his bed was raised just slightly, giving the impression that he was sitting up without putting any extra pressure on his pelvis, and he was pale and drawn but already looking better than he had the night before.

"I'm really sorry," Jensen found himself whispering. Jared's hazel eyes were locked on him, still slightly cloudy from the drugs, but he weakly shook his heads at the words.

"'M sorry," he forced out against his raspy throat. "Should never've taken off. Know none of you would hurt me."

Jensen shook his head. "I told you not to worry about that, okay? Nobody's mad at you. We're all just worried."

Jared nodded a little, wincing at the pain caused by moving his head after such an impressive head injury, but still didn't seem convinced. Jensen didn't push, just waited patiently, and it was only a few moments later that his patience paid off.

"I won't blame them if they want to send me away again," he mumbled quietly, closing his eyes against the tears that Jensen had glimpsed there.

Irrationally, Jensen's first instinct was to be pleased that the kid actually wanted to stay with them. He'd been worrying almost obsessively over whether Jared would even want to come with them when he was released from the hospital, but the drugs meant that he couldn't hide the genuine distress on his face at the thought.

"They're not sending you anywhere," Jensen reassured. "They want to keep you here for a while, until you're on some weaker painkillers and they're a hundred percent convinced that you're gonna be fine, but after that you're coming home with us."

Jared nodded, but his breath hitched as he fought off a sob.

"I saw the car coming," he confessed quietly, and Jensen's brow furrowed in confusion at the seemingly random statement. "Knew it was gonna hit me."

Jensen nodded. "I know. You twisted out of the way - probably would have died pretty much instantly if you hadn't. You did good."

Jared shook his head, breath hitching painfully again. "Wasn't scared of getting hit."

"You weren't?"

"No," Jared breathed. "Was scared that I wouldn't be able to say sorry."

Jensen's brow furrowed again, and he shook his head. "You've got nothing to be sorry for."

"For saying that we'd changed too much," Jared continued, apparently determined to get it all out, despite the fact that the doctor had assured Jensen and Alan that it was better if he didn't strain himself too much. "We haven't. I was just scared of telling you."

Jensen sighed, leaning further forwards and squeezing the hand gripped in his own. He let the other rest on the top of Jared's had, fingers tangling instinctively in his chestnut locks.

"Look," he said seriously, catching Jared's gaze and holding it there. "We've both made some mistakes, okay? Hell, both of us made them because we were scared of the wrong goddamn things, but that's in the past now. It's not important."

Jared nodded weakly.

"I missed you." He whispered. "Even when I didn't want to."

Jensen smiled softly, leaning over to press a soft kiss to the unbruised skin of Jared's right temple.

"Missed you too," he whispered against the soft skin there, inhaling the familiar smell of fruit-scented shampoo and cinnamon. "Every single day."

Jared turned his face into Jensen's neck and the older man could feel the moment that his tears splashed against his neck. He didn't say anything, just tucked his face into the younger man's hair and held on tight.

Finally, the kid fell silent and still against him, and Jensen pressed another kiss to his temple before carefully laying him back against the pillows. Jared smiled up at him sleepily, and Jensen grinned down at him, still holding him close.

"We're gonna be okay," Jared whispered. "Right?"

He looked small and vulnerable, and Jensen nodded his head firmly. Before he had a chance to think through what he was doing, he'd dipped his head and pressed their lips together in a chaste kiss. Jared's lips were warm and soft, and they smiled against Jensen's as he pulled back a few inches, locking their eyes together once more.

"Yeah, kid. We're gonna be fine."

****

 

 

 

 

******\-------------**  
EPILOGUE  
\-------------** **

****** **

The Ackles family broke the news calmly, as with everything in their household, over dinner.

Since Jared's accident, they'd taken to eating it in the lounge, Jared lain out on the sofa with his broken leg resting in Jensen's lap. The older boy joked that the kid's cast made the perfect place to balance his tray, but the truth was that he liked having him close by - liked being able to glance over and know without doubt that the kid was safe.

He didn't know whether that was because of the new turn that their friendship had taken, stolen kisses and secret smiles, or whether it was just relief at having the kid back with them. He figured it didn't really matter either way.

The bruises had all but faded now, save for the one on his left temple which seemed to be reluctant to leave, and had become more and more like his old self. He was still a little withdrawn sometimes, still shut down at the mention of his old foster parents, but those were things that could be worked on over time - things that could be fixed, with a little patience.

He was a far cry from the broken boy that had arrived at the house with a bag in his hands and secrets hidden in the slump of his shoulders, the tightness of his eyes.

"So," Donna said evenly, interrupting Megan and Mackenzie before they could launch into another debate about which of their school's basketball players was the hottest. "Alan and I have been thinking, and we were wondering if we could ask you a serious question, Jared."

Jared froze with his fork part-way to his mouth, every muscle in his body going rigid in a split-second, and he winced as he lowered his fork back to his plate, letting out a small groan. Jensen reached out, gently squeezing his leg above the cast as reassuringly as he could, sending a confused look at his foster parents.

It didn't take a genius to figure out that Jared was feeling more than a little trapped. Alan had brought a wheelchair back from the hospital with them, in order to ferry the kid from room to room, but with a busted pelvis and a broken leg the kid wasn't exactly up to walking around.

"Nothing bad," Donna quickly clarified, shooting the young man a concerned look at the small noise of pain. She ducked her head in embarrassment. "Sorry, probably should have led with that. This isn't an ambush."

Jared didn't relax, glancing over at Jensen as if demanding to knew whether he knew what was going on. Jensen shook his head, honestly just as confused as his best friend was, though somewhat more inclined to believe Donna when she claimed that the kid wasn't being ambushed.

Sometimes the smallest things sent Jared's guards slamming straight back down again, and they were certainly out in full force as he warily watched his foster mother, waiting for her to continue.

"Actually," she continued slowly, looking somewhat hesitantly. "We wanted to talk to you about maybe staying here on a more permanent basis."

Jared looked surprised and more than a little confused, opening his mouth as if to talk only to shut it a few seconds later, frowning a little.

"I don't understand what you mean," he confessed honestly, one hand still gripping the edge of the plate. His eyes flickered to Alan, but the man was giving nothing away, still happily tucking into his dinner as if nothing was amiss. "I thought I already was staying here?"

Donna smiled warmly, nodding her head.

"Of course you are," she agreed. "But as your foster parents, we haven't got any legal responsibility for you after you turn eighteen. The state would most likely remove you from our care and place in some kind of half-way home, with a small allowance."

Jensen stomach rolled unpleasantly at the thought.

There'd been a time when he'd longed for the day that the state signed the papers to say that he was free to walk away, that they set him up with a small flat - perhaps with other past foster kids, or perhaps by himself - and he was finally his own responsibility.

At the time, years of being shipped from home to home and led him to the conclusion that a half-way house was the ultimate goal, the best he could aim for, and it wasn't until the Ackles had formally adopted him that he'd realised that he was wrong.

The thought of Jared in a small flat, of Jared anywhere but here - with them - was heart-wrenching.

"I know," the kid said quietly. "My social worker was talking about one in California before I came here. She says that she might be able to get me a job there with one of her friends."

Donna nodded slowly. "Is that what you want, Jared? Honestly?"

Jared shrugged hesitantly, and it was clear to Jensen that he didn't understand what was happening here - didn't understand the significance of what they were discussing. Jensen was starting to think that he might, and hope sprang brightly in his chest.

"I guess," Jared replied evenly, shifting awkwardly. "I don't really have any other choice."

Donna smiled, bright and relieved, and Jensen grinned with her because he was sure that he was right.

"What if I gave you another choice?" She asked carefully, leaning forwards in her seat. "Because I think we'd all very much like it if you'd do us the honour of letting us adopt you permanently, Jared."

Instead of the bright grin that Jensen had expected, Jared's face shuttered further and he flinched a little.

"I..." He trailed off, eyes flying to Jensen. "I don't understand. Why?"

Donna smiled patiently, as if this was the reaction that she'd expected. Honestly, Jensen figured that she might have; he remembered her telling him that when they'd asked Jeff if they could adopt him, the kid - fifteen at the time - had point blank refused, and had then destroyed his entire room in a fit of anger. Donna had stood and watched him doing it, and then calmly told him that they weren't going to change their minds, and a week later Jeff had agreed.

"Because," Donna told him evenly. "We think that you're a great kid, and though we already consider you part of our family, we'd love to make it official."

Jared didn't reply, and Donna rose to her feet and crossed the distance between them, dropping a kiss on his forehead and kneeling on the sofa in front of him. Jared looked more than a little bewildered, perhaps even a little scared, and he shot Jensen a helpless look.

Jensen forced himself not to move. Instead, he watched in silence as Donna gently tugged the younger man's hand into her own.

"You don't have to make your mind up straight away," she told him easily, still smiling. "And we'll understand if you don't want it to happen, but we really would love to adopt you, Jared."

The kid hesitated a few moments longer, but when Donna meant to move away, he tugged her closer.

"What if you change your mind?" He asked quietly, and for the first time in a long time, Jensen was reminded of the softer side to that six-year-old boy he'd met all of those years ago.

The little boy that had taken down bullies twice his size without so much as hesitation, who'd picked himself up off the ground with a determination that had left Jensen stunned, and who'd cried himself to sleep that very same night because fighting was bad, and nobody was ever going to want to keep him if he was bad.

"That's not going to happen, Jared," Donna told him evenly. "We've thought about this long and hard. We never would have asked you if we weren't sure."

There was another pause and then, slowly, Jared nodded.

"Yes," he replied quietly. "I mean, I'd really like that too."

Across the room, Megan and Mackenzie - who'd been sitting so still that Jensen had almost forgotten that they were there - whooped loudly, Meg nearly tipping her plate to the floor. Donna grinned, dragging Jared into a huge and even Alan came over - still careful to keep a respectful distance between them - and squeezed Jared's shoulder.

When Jared turned to Jensen, both of them were blinking back tears, and Jared laughed at the sight of the joy on Jensen's face. Carefully swinging the younger man's leg around and propping it up on the footstool - pausing to place his half-finished dinner on the floor - Jensen moved forwards and tugged his best friend into an enthusiastic hug.

"I can't believe this is real," Jared laughed into his shoulder as the warmth of his tears soaked through Jensen's shirt. The older boy laughed, pulling the kid in tighter.

"It is," he promised quietly, burying his face into the younger man's hair. "It really is."

Finally pulling away from his friend, conscious of the fact that his - no, their - family was watching, and not really caring, Jensen reached forward and thumbed the tears from his friend's face.

Jared laughed in embarrassment, wiping the tears on the other side of his face away with his sleeve. He caught Jensen's hand when the older teen made to pull it away, and Jensen smiled at his softly, uncaring of how ridiculously soppy they must look.

Grinning, he opened his mouth and finally said the words that he'd wanted to say since the moment that Jared had stepped over their threshold.

"Welcome to the family, Jay."

****** **

****


End file.
